BEEN A WHILE, HUH, READERS? ...

I would be a liar if I told you that I read all of my blogs. I don't. I vent, and then a week later I write again... or three moths later, six months later, or a year later.

The thing is this:

I wanted to start a blog so that I could perhaps find other people out there in the world that have felt the same way I did at certain points in my life. But, unfortunately the only way blogs can give that satisfaction to you is if you literally keep a daily journal of your life.

But that's not who I am.

I am lazy and extremely unorganized and my mind wanders.

I'll write an entry in April of one year, and then the next entry I write will be in February of the next... as though I am still stuck in that April of the previous year and still fixated on those same meaningful and meaningless folks of the previous year of my life.

I'm not quite sure how I would describe myself if one would ask me to.

Perhaps I would describe myself with a one syllable-word if it were my father asking me.

I am certain that I would describe myself with a three syllable-word if it were my mother.

If my sister asked me... I would be surprised altogether,

If my brother, John asked me, my retort would be, "...stay away from me."

If my brother, Mikey were to ask me to describe myself...

I would ask him to tell me what I am to him.


I once was dependent on my dad.
I once looked up to my brothers.
I once tried to be my sister's equal.
My mother was, for the most part not in the picture,
And so for the most part,
(Yes, I am sad.)

I didn't finish high school.
I left my home town when I was sixteen.
I spent the rest of my years
trying to get close with older men
that really only felt sorry for me.

I was jealous of their ex-girlfriends
because they were prettier
and more successful than me.

I ruined each relationship
While each of those relationships ruined me.

So...

Who am I NOW?
Who am I going to,
or even supposed to be?

I am an individual with a past...
with feelings.

My name is Stanzi.
I am ME.

A Sky Full of Lighters....

Just like the new released song, playing all over each radio station all over the country, and for all I know... all over the world: I am really tired of people taking advantage of me and trying to convince me that I am a nobody. I am (AM) somebody. JUST WATCH!

FORGIVE, BUT DON'T FORGET...

Yes, folks... there a was a pause there. In fact, a major pause, as it has taken me several days to continue with a follow-up to my Blog title. But, AND... here it IS:


We all have family, even if we are not close to them, right? 9For those whom that is the case, at least, anyway. AND... we all have "DATED" someone whom we trusted that broke that trust and, let's be frank here; "FUCKED US," and not in the way we wanted to be "fucked," right? (But here's the deal,) FORGIVE them.

... but do not forget what they did.


Don't hold it over their heads, because that will hurt your chances at a potential "relationship" with this or that or those... in the end. But do not forget about your dignity. Do not "kiss their ass/es," so to speak, and do not coddle them, nor apologize where you need not apologize... BUT... FORGIVE THEM.

... and if they hurt you again.... FUCK 'EM ! TWO STRIKES, YER OUT, BITCH/ES !

.... (Seriously.)